Each time I think of you, i think of butterflies and i think of cocoons. Elaborate ? I will. You see, you were my cocoon. Or at least, you were supposed to be. My protector. Comforter. Shield me from the evil of the world. Yet, you were the very evil you were supposed to shield me from. You knew what you were. You were like sugar to a diabetic patient. A little of you was meant to be okay, but, no. You choked down all of the evil that you were into my very being. You refused to distance yourself, you wanted to explode. Out. Of. Me. I was beautiful with the potential to be so much more. You see, you tore me down. Left me picking up pieces of myself within yourself. As i built myself, you broke me. The cycle continued. The only thing that changed was perhaps that i got stronger with each build,with each break. I was the butterfly and you, the cocoon. I needed to break free, you wouldn't let me. I secreted my cocoonase which was meant to soften you, meant to liberate me from your shackles. I tried shutting you out, i let your hurtful words bounce off me and back to you. Then, they bounced right back to me. Like a boomerang. Never ending boomerang. I was alone.
    Each time i think of you, i find myself furrowing my eyebrows, pursing my lips, fighting back tears. Because you hurt me like no one else has. I tell people i've forgiven you, but it sounds like i am trying to convince them & myself. When you finally let me go, you let yourself go. Into the arms of death. I broke free from your shackles because they, the shackles, broke free from you. You held everything captive. Trying to turn me against myself. Never ending struggle. When the time had finally come for me to leave, i pondered staying behind. Because, some of that pain became addictive. It gave me an identity. A purpose. I woke up everyday with one word on my mind : Fight. I fought everyday, every single day. And there you were , trying to free me ? What to do with my freedom, i thought to myself. I remembered how you made me feel. Nugatory. Despicable. Without. Worth. And it was stupid really, because deep down, i had my dreams and aspirations. They laid untouched at the base of my soul like a beggar with leprosy. The ways people stand at a distance and throw alms at such a beggar was exactly the way i fed my dreams. I refused to get close to them so they wouldn't infect me. I didn't want you to see the me that i knew i could be. Because i knew you would try and tear that down too. For the record, you would have failed, but i was considerate enough to let your ego be.
    Each time i think of you, I want to hug you. In all the foulness that you were, you made me stronger. Yes, eat your heart out. Each night, you came crawling to me whispering faint I love yous. You successfully taught me everything love shouldn't be. Because when you love a person, you wipe their tears, you don't create them. You don't make that person feel bad for breathing. You liar. There's so much left to say but you make my brain hurt so i am done, for now. Just know, you were the cocoon to a butterfly that longed to get away from you. That butterfly is free now, basking in all the beauty that it is, in all the beauty that it is meant to be. You can't stop her anymore.